Darcy's Thor-drobe Contest
by Unknownnobody32
Summary: Darcy Lewis visits the Tower and becomes convinced that it's time Thor gets some civilian clothes of his own. Soon, finding him the perfect look becomes a team effort and with Tony's help, Darcy makes it into a full-out contest. Which Avenger will find the winning style for Thor and will Jane agree with their choices when she finally arrives?
1. The Thor-drobe Contest

Darcy had been thrilled to hear that Mr. Stark's invitation for visiting the Avengers Tower had extended to her as well as Jane. She had met all the Avengers before of course, but only Jane had seen the Tower once when visiting Thor. It would have been amazing to see the place for the first time with Jane by her side, but leave it to SHIELD and some potential phenomenal discovery to cause said astrophysicist to delay her trip a bit. No one missed how the god's smile faltered slightly when he found out his Jane would be kept away from him for a few more days, but he had been more than pleased to see Darcy yet again, sweeping her off her feet as he pulled her into a mighty bear hug.

After catching up with him, getting a tour of the Tower from Tony,and becoming reacquainted with the rest of the gang, Darcy sat in the Dining Hall sharing tacos with Thor and Tony while Steve nursed coffee and a doughnut. Giving him a once over, she decides to state what's on her mind.

"No offense, Big Guy, but I've been meaning to ask you- what's up with your choice of clothes?" Darcy does a pointing gesture at his outfit with her half-eaten Taco .

Thor's brows furrow as he looks down at his sleeveless armor in confusion. "I see nothing strange about my garments."

"Not strange for you I guess, but seriously, is there another alien invasion I need to worry about because you look pretty battle ready right now?"

"I had thought this to be casual, after all I am without my cape."

Tony laughs around a mouthful of beef and lettuce then takes a swig of his soda so he could chime in.

"Sorry to break it to ya, Darce, but Thunderbolt here doesn't really have many 'mortal' clothes yet. He practically just started staying at the tower semi-permanently at least... you know Thor, you should really let me buy you a proper wardrobe."

"Well," Steve begins, finishing off his doughnut, "He does have those regulation SHEILD clothes the agents use for training sessions and down time."

"What? Those won't do at all!" Exclaims Darcy, looking just short of appalled. "Thor, your lovely lady is coming in just a few days and basically all she's seen you in so far is Asgardian battle-ware and her ex's old jeans. Don't you want to impress her when she sees you?"

"Will I regret it if I say yes?" Rumbles Thor, earning a smirk from both Tony and Steve.

Darcy tries not to be offended. Instead she pulls out her new welcome gift from Tony, a Stark Pad, and searches for nearby clothing shops. "Of course not silly! I was just going to offer my fashion assistance in picking out your new wardrobe. Trust me Thor, you'll be so totally smokin' when I get through with you that Jane will just die!"

"I gather this is a good thing?" Thor references Darcy's slang.

Steve must have made the connection because he comments, "One can never tell these days, can they?"

Tony rolls his eyes at the blonds and directs to Darcy, "Why should _you_ be Thor's fashion assistant anyway?"

"Cuz I knew him first and I know what Jane likes too." Supplies Darcy, peering over her Stark Pad.

"Yea, but I have the much needed funds and I've got the fashion sense. You know, I've been voted best dressed and sexiest man alive in several magazines."

Steve scoffs. "I doubt Thor wants to imitate the flashy Hollywoodsy look you sport in those publications, Stark, especially if he wants to fit in. He'd probably appreciate something more simple and comfortable."

"Ha! Now _you're_ a fashion expert, Cap? You, Mr. My-Waredrobe's-Still-Stuck-In-The-40's?"

Thor sighs. "Shall I have a say in any of this?"

"No!" Tony and Darcy shout together.

Thor can't help but laugh. "You are acting as stubborn fools! Why must it be a contest? I am willing to take advice from all of you regarding the appropriate attire for Midgard."

"Wait," Darcy says, putting down the tablet and leaping from her seat. "A contest, that's a great idea Thor!"

"That is not what I..." Thor trails off as Darcy interrupts him excitedly, "We could all create a sample look for Thor that represents what fashions we think best suit him, then we showcase it among the rest of the group together. The person with the best look gets to assist Thor with his wardrobe choices!"

Tony scratches his goatee. "Hmm, that sounds like fun. I like how you think, Darcy. So not only am I in, but I'm also donating to the cause for all participates. Plus if you mention my names in several stores you'll get freebies."

"Uh, I'm not so sure about contests and stuff but I'll help Thor put together a look if he doesn't mind it ." Steve complies.

"Awesome guys! Thor, aren't you excited?! Please say you're excited!" Darcy makes her most convincing puppy dog eyes. "Jane is gonna be pleasantly surprised when she sees your new look!"

"Well , surprising Jane _does_ sound nice." Thor muses aloud. After a moment he resigns, "Indeed, then, I am most eager. When shall we start?"


	2. Totally Bogus, Tony

Tony had promptly let the other Avengers know about Darcy's self-proclaimed "Thor-drobe Contest" and though no one else volunteered to create Thor a look, Natasha and Clint agreed to be there on showcase night to help judge and Bruce offered to assist Thor with dressing in case any of his outfits had several pieces or accessories.

Showcase night ended up being set in the Rec Room. Furniture had been pushed to one side of the space and the area behind the bar had been blocked off by the large red curtain Tony had put up. Currently Thor was behind it impatiently eying the empty rack next to him while Bruce stood near the front, waiting for the three contestants. Sitting at the far end of the room, Nat and Clint look up when they see the aforementioned people arrive.

Tony is the first to give Bruce a tote and several sets of hangers with wardrobe covers over them. He also hands him a Stark Pad with the 3D graphics of his looks as a reference. When he points to something on the Stark Pad, Bruce sniggers amused and whispers, "Are you sure about that 1st look, Tony." "Yea yea I'm sure. It'll be great. " Tony beams reassuringly, "Just don't forget to artfully muse his hair for that one, kay?" Bruce smiles but rolls his eyes as he sets up Tony's things on the rack behind the curtain.

Next Steve walks up. "My look is pretty easy to figure out, but I did a rough sketch just in case." The Captain presents a drawing from his sketch pad along with another tote bag and two covered hangers. Bruce nods and turns to put Steve's contribution away.

Darcy's three sets of covered hangers rustle and jangle when she gives them to Bruce. She offers him yet another tote bag and then pulls out her Stark Pad and taps away. "I'm going to be using this baby tonight to take pictures , but I just sent all the details for my look to your phone." Dr. Banner's pocketed phone plays a tone and he pulls it out to verify all is well. He does a double take as he studies his screen and can't help but raise his eyebrows.

"I got a feeling this is going to be an interesting night. " Is all Bruce says as he takes her admissions behind the curtain.

* * *

Five minutes later, everyone is seated and Bruce is still on the other side of the curtain with Thor when Pepper ushers herself in at a quickened pace.

"Did I miss it? Am I late?" She asks after pecking Tony on the lips and sitting to his side.

"Nah Pep, you made it just in time to see my first look."

Like clockwork, Bruce steps out from behind the curtain, clears his throat, and announces, "Ladies and Gents, this is Tony's look for Thor... believe it or not..." Moving to the side he lets Thor walk out to face the room.

The sandaled blond's wearing tan board shorts and a slightly too snug tie dyed t-shirt with some complimenting beads around his neck. Tony notes that Bruce took his suggestion of ruffling up Thor's hair.

"Tony,you didn't!" Scolds Pepper.

"I did." He Grins.

She hits him lightly on the shoulder in spite of her own smile.

"I can't believe you went there, Stark." Natasha says, chucking a pillow which Tony dodges.

"What?! It fits him."

Darcy, who had been giggling like mad, turns to Clint and remarks, "I've always thought he looked like an overgrown hippie at times."

Clint laughs. "Is that what you were going for, Tony? Cuz it looks like a mixture of overgrown hippie and muscled surfer dude."

"Meh, I couldn't decide, so I meshed both concepts."

Thor can tell he is being mocked by now and crosses his arms over his chest. "Anthony, did you intentionally make me the brunt of some Midgardian jest?"

"Yea Stark, we were supposed to be taking this contest at least halfway serious." Steve further admonishes. He may not have gotten what the outfit represented, but he understood enough to know it looked ridiculous on the god.

"Okay okay, it was just a joke. I deeply apologize for having a sense of humor. You are all lucky I didn't go for the rocker look, with that classic Kurt Cobain hair Thor's got going on. Get him in the real clothes, will ya Banner?"

"Wait!" Darcy readies her Stark Pad for a photo and does the peace sign, "First, hold your fingers up like this, Thor, and look toward my camera."


	3. Putting on the Ritz

Shortly afterwards, Bruce pushes the curtain aside and comes out. "Okay everybody, he's ready. Presenting Tony's actual look for Thor. May the first look never be spoken of again."

Everyone chuckles at the joke and then there's a gasp when Thor appears.

He's wearing a sleek charcoal-gray vested suit with a pale gray dress shirt underneath. The ensemble is accented with a tie which resembles the shade of his signature cape, plus there's a matching crimson handkerchief folded elegantly in his breast pocket. On his wrist rests an expensive looking silver watch and his hair is brushed back smoothly in a bun at the nape of his neck.

Clint and Nat both wolf whistle at the same time.

"Damn, he cleans up nice, doesn't he?" Says Natasha to Darcy who is squealing in delight.

"So, since I couldn't contribute seriously to his casual attire, I thought I'd at least start him off with some formal wear." Tony explains as he motions for Thor to do a turn.

"You look very handsome, Thor." Pepper compliments. "I'm thinking Tony should have installed a runway instead of a curtain."

"Thank you, Lady Pepper." Thor smiles as he completes his turn and strides further toward his audience.

Darcy aims her Stark Pad at him again and finally remembers how to speak, " I _have_ to get this one on camera! Another picture, Thor?"

"Wait," Bruce interrupts, "Sweep the jacket over your shoulder like I showed you earlier."

Thor proceeds to unbutton said jacket and poses as Bruce tells him, looking stunningly suave.

Steve nods in overall approval."Talk about putting on the Ritz! I must say, I'm impressed Tony. You made him look real snazzy and it's all in good taste."

"Gee thanks, Cap, glad to know you never underestimated me." Tony remarks dryly.

"He's right though." Darcy agrees, "And Thor might just give you some competition for that sexiest man alive title."

Thor's grin is brilliant as he winks at them in response.

This receives a chorus of laughter from all except Tony who only scowls and promptly tells Thor to take off the suit now.


	4. Norse Gods Don't Wear Plaid

"Up next is Steve's look for Thor. You can come out now, buddy." Bruce says once Thor had been redressed.

Hair meticulously gelled toward the back of his head, Thor steps out in pleated khaki slacks with a button-up blue & yellow plaid shirt neatly tucked at the waist.

Tony and Clint start cracking up immediately.

Sympathizing with their sentiments, Pepper giggles behind her hand while Natasha settles for muttering in Russian.

Even Darcy's disdain is clear when she grimaces with a shudder.

"What's the matter?" Steve gapes at his companions.

Tony shakes his head. "Really Rogers? Were you aiming to create a clone of yourself?"

Clint looks like he's about to say something too, but he takes one look at Steve's own khakis and starts laughing again.

"Do I _have_ to take a photo of this one?" Is Darcy's only voiced complaint.

"This should go on the list of outfits we never speak of again." Natasha declares, catching eyes with a smirking Dr. Banner.

The obvious uproar over his clothing causes Thor to doubt his friend. "Did not you tell me these garments were sensible, Steven? How come everyone gazes upon me like I am some sort of buffoon?!"

"I don't know Thor, I thought they were. That's pretty much what I wear anyways."

Clint makes a chocked sound around his laughter and has to have Nat rescue him with pats on his back.

"Oh, so you _did_ do it on purpose?" Gibes Tony, rolling his eyes.

"Tony, don't be mean." Pepper warns her billionaire boyfriend. "And Steve sweetie, it's just that your normal wear is okay for you, but it just doesn't fit Thor very well. Honestly, it's not really what modern men would consider casual wear either. "

"Oh... I didn't figure that." Steve sounds a little disappointed. "Sorry everyone hates it, Thor."

Pepper pats Steve comfortingly on the hand, "Well, hate's such a strong word."

"What is 'hate' but the vodka of words? It is strong but it gets the job done." Tony's wry philosophic proverb doesn't escape a disapproving glare from Pepper.

Meanwhile, Darcy tries to hold out a little hope for Thor's outfit. "Just a sec, maybe all's not lost. Perhaps it's still fixable! Un-tuck the shirt,Thor."

"Unbutton a few buttons at the top while you're at it and show a little skin." Natasha suggests.

"And for all that is good and decent, please run a hand through that greased up atrocity which is your hair." Tony jumps in.

Thor does so in consecutive order and then stands with his hands in his pockets, awaiting a verdict.

"Not quite." Darcy admits, "But at least now it's worthy of a picture."

And Thor holds his stance as Darcy brings her Stark Pad up to eye level.


	5. Fueling a Fantasy

Thor and Bruce had been absent for at least 15 minutes when Bruce finally reveals himself before the crowd of six.

"The best look for last, right Dr. Banner?" Darcy says to him, smilingly cheekily.

"Of Course, Darcy, " Bruce chuckles. "This final look was created by our very own Miss Lewis. Thor, come on out!"

And Thor does come out, in indecently tight leather pants adorned in silver chains and a studded leather jacket. He's got on similarly styled combat boots which add two extra inches to his already towering height and he's wearing fingerless gloves. His long hair was caught in a low ponytail by a black band, though several golden strands hung loose framing his face.

Tony stretches his eyes and Clint merely face-palms.

Steve is the first to offer an opinion. "Uhh...I like the leather jacket...I guess."

Darcy bites her lip to keep from panting like she'd done at the store and takes about seven rapid-fire pictures.

"Well, I suppose if anyone could pull that off it would be Thor." Pepper blushes.

Natasha makes an appreciative sound at the back of her throat. "Gorgeous..." She sighs, crooking a finger to have Thor stand before her.

Everyone raises an eyebrow at her as she runs a hand leisurely along his jacketed arm. That is until she asks no one in particular, "Is this real leather?"

Darcy guffaws and gives Nat an incredulous look. "Psh, sure... it's that genuine leather that's the _real_ looker."

Tony finally speaks up when Thor returns to stand at the center of the room, "Now c'mon ladies, you can't all really be towing for this look?"

"Yea," Clint agrees, " I mean it's great if Thor's planning to join Hell's Angels anytime soon."

"But I think he looks hardcore!" Defends Darcy.

"If Jane sees he's living here looking like _that_, she'll think I made him join a gang or something." Protests Tony yet again.

Natasha decides to voice a little reason. "It could be a little _too_ 'hardcore' even for him, Darcy. Thor, what do you think of your clothes?"

Thor frowns and tries to bend his knees. "I fear it has a certain restrictive quality. I might as well be wearing my armor. "

"Maybe we can salvage this look too though." Proposes Steve.

Natasha nods, "Right. Thor, c'mere and let me take off those chains."

Darcy huffs out a laugh, secretly thinking the redhead needed an excuse to fondle more leather.

"Good idea. And let me hang on to that jacket too." Clint volunteers.

Eventually standing jacketless, everyone now sees the physique flattering skull & crossbone wife beater Thor's wearing and the _Mjölnir_ pendant dangling around his neck.

Thor rolls his shoulders at the newfound freedom and unintentionally flexes muscles.

Pepper blushes redder as Tony jokingly shields her vision.

Darcy swears she feels her own mouth water.

Clint snorts. "_Now_ he just looks like a stripper."

"Well you can't blame a girl for trying to fuel a fantasy." Darcy replies, shrugging.

"So since Thor won't be jumping out of any cakes in the near future, it's settled: this look _really_ isn't him." Tony states with finality. "But... I say he keeps the leather jacket cuz it actually looks pretty badass on him."

Everyone murmurs in agreement.

"May I keep this as well?" Thor asks, clutching the pendant at his chest.

Darcy smiles at his growing attachment to it. "Sure Big Guy, it really suits you. Plus you deserve it after all we've put you through. Now, allow me one last favor and do that flexy thing again while I snap a few dozen pics."


	6. Assassin's Next Top Model

Before disappointment could set in over no one successfully creating the Thunderer's casual look, Nat had pulled Clint aside and whispered something to him. Seconds later of quiet conversing, the two had announced by that time tomorrow, they would have the perfect look representing Thor's potential wardrobe.

The next evening, when Darcy, Steve, Tony, and Pepper arrived, Clint was behind the curtain with Thor while Bruce and Natasha were in their seats.

After everyone was sitting, Clint peered out and announced, "The moment of truth everyone. You're on, Thor."

Thor comes out grinning confidently in perfectly fitted dark stonewash jeans and a tan bomber jacket paired over a maroon v-necked T-shirt. The careless way his hair was tied back was somehow becoming and everyone notes the god still has the _Mjölnir_ pendant around his neck.

Several appreciating praises rang out around the room simultaneously.

Pepper, Bruce, and Tony even start clapping as Darcy exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I freaken love it!"

"Yea, he looks great, you two! And that's a nice jacket." Steve adds admiringly.

"He really does! How do you like it, Thor?" Pepper asks.

Thor fingers the pendant at his neck thoughtfully. "It is most comfortable and I am fond of the colors. Considering no one has laughed at me yet, I at least know I am not alone in finding these articles more than acceptable."

"Yea, not bad, not bad at all!" Tony says, giving Thor a thumbs up. "Who knew the winning look would be courtesy of Assassin's Next Top Model?"

"Well, we took some inspiration from everybody. The jacket and the necklace of course was a shout out to Darcy." Clint explains.

"Mm hmm," Nat hums, "And the red shirt was inspired from the tie and handkerchief Tony used with the suit. Oh, Barton let them see the second look."

"Right. Thor, back here real quick."

Thor steps behind the curtain briefly with Clint and they hear clothes rustling. When he steps back out he's wearing a checkered long-sleeved black & red button-front over the T-shirt.

"It's just a quick altercation really, but it's probably more fitting for chilling indoors. " Clint says, straightening out Thor's collar.

Bruce glances at Steve. "I bet I know who inspired this look."

Before Dr. Banner can guess out loud, Natasha says, "Cap, I thought you were on to something with the plaid, but we modernized it just a bit. "

"I really like what you did. " Steve commends. "I never would have thought to wear it open."

Darcy rises to face the small party,"So we're all agreed here!? She and Clint win hands down. Should they both help Thor pick out his full wardrobe?"

There's no doubt about it after everyone else cheers for Clint and Natasha.

Tony flashes the room a smile. "That was great guys! Hey, maybe we should do another contest for Old Glory over here."

"NO!" Steve almost yells, much to everyone's amusement.

JARVIS' voice suddenly breaks through the intercom, "I am sorry to interrupt, but Miss Jane Foster thought you all would like to know she is now exiting the elevator to this floor."

"Jane!?" Thor questions astonished. Without another word, he dashes for the hall .

"Holy crap, she totally sneaked up on us. She must have wanted it to be a surprise!" Darcy throws her bag across her shoulder and trails after Thor.

* * *

Jane only has time to recognize Thor's gleeful face and partially call out his name before he scoops her up in his arms and spins her around.

The petite brunette squeaks as she is lifted and begins to laugh, yet she's cut off when Thor's lips touch hers.

Finally putting her down, he cradles her face with one large hand, "This is the most joyous surprise! Oh how I have missed you Jane!"

Jane giggles bashfully. "Aw I missed you too, Thor. Sorry I'm late." She leans into his warmth for a hug and breathes him in.

When Jane pulls away she grins and whispers up at him, "You kinda smell like new clothes."

Darcy clears her throat from somewhere behind and waves when Jane spots her. "Well, this is awkward, but hi Jane!"

Laughing Jane motions Darcy over, "I'm sorry Darce, c'mere. It's good to see you."

After the two young women embrace, Jane returns her attention to Thor.

"I was just telling him he has that new clothes smell." Jane flirtatiously grasps both ends of his opened outer shirt and observes the pendant against his chest.

"Wow, by the way Thor, I'm really digging what your wearing. Check him out, Darce! Give us a turn, babe."

He does so proudly, happy Jane had taken notice of his new style.

"See I told you, Thor!" Darcy reminds him, "And oh my gosh, Jane, you should have been here! We hosted this Thor-drobe Contest and we had him try on these different looks. Oh! I put him in this leather getup which can only be described as 'totally smokin.' "

"Leather?" Jane sounds enticed as she forces herself to tear eyes away from the denim covered rear off her demigod hunk and face her friend.

"Ooh yea, your man was sex-ay." Darcy teases, putting an arm around Jane to walk her back toward the Rec Room. "You know, I made a digital scrap book."

"Really?"

"Yea, hold on." Darcy pauses in her step to dig out her Stark Pad from the shoulder bag. As she taps through it, Thor comes to stand behind Jane, resting a warm palm on her shoulder.

"Kay, here's the look I was just talkin' about." Darcy hands the Pad over.

Jane studies the whole spread, but her roving eyes hone in on a picture of Thor's bare arms in the wife beater.

"Oh yes... that's...that's nice." She utters, sounding a bit breathless.

"Yep," Darcy catches Thor's gaze and winks. "That genuine leather is a real looker, aint it?"


End file.
